Study Guide: "What If... I Forgave Everyone?"

Text: Matthew 18:15-35

OPEN:

Today we're staring a new series called "What If...?" This series explores how you can experience a more dynamic life through putting into practice some foundational Biblical principles, such as forgiving others, managing your time and finances, walking in faith, controlling your thoughts and speech, and living with purpose. These principles all fall within the realm of "possible" in that anyone can do them, but they also open the door to the realm of the impossible: Practicing these things day-in and day-out creates a life of miracles, and makes available a whole new world of options for you to pursue.

        

That's what this series is about: What If? It's about exploring new possibilities. Today we'll ask the question, "What If I Forgave Everyone?"

The more I have studied this subject the more I realize the tendency we have -- and by "we" I mean "me" -- to harbor unforgiveness. Here's something interesting. If you type unforgiveness into a word processor and you have spell check turned on, it will get underlined, because unforgiveness isn't really a word. But that doesn't stop us from using it and/or doing it. Many times we kid ourselves into thinking that we have forgiven others ... but we haven't quite let it go yet.

I. NOT FORGIVING CREATES problems for you.

Let me tell you something. If you hang on to unforgiveness, it will create problems for you. Emotional torment. Bitterness. Moodiness. Sleeplessness. It's been said that harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies. That's because when you hang on to unforgiveness, it hurts you more than it hurts anyone else.

Some people think that refusing to forgive gives them some kind of leverage over the other person. Or by refusing to forgive to they can extend the punishment the other person receives. But who really gets punished in this situation? The unforgiver. He's the one who continues to carry the weight of offense.

her person, and it eats them up, and it keeps them awake at night, and it destroys their good mood ... meanwhile the person they can't forgive goes merrily on with their life, oblivious to it all. It does no good to hang on to unforgiveness. You may as well just drink poison.

II. FORGIVING IS GOOD FOR YOU.

However, if you're willing to put the principle of forgiveness into practice, you'll create a better life for yourself. How? First of all...

1. You'll experience peace. That gnawing sensation will go away. That unsettled sense of resentment and discontentment will disappear. It will be replaced by a sense of peace.

Corrie Ten Boom said, "Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you."

In Colossians 3 Paul tells us...

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another ..." (Colossians 3:13)

Then he goes on to say...

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace." (Colossians 3:15)

There's a connection between forgiveness and peace. If there's no peace in your personal life, maybe it's because you have some unforgiveness in your heart. If there's no peace in your marriage or in your family, maybe it's because you're hanging on to past hurts and refusing to let go of yesterday's offenses. And if peace cannot reign in this church, it is no doubt for the same reason. We haven't fully forgiven one another. If you want peace to reign in your life, learn to forgive.

Another benefit you'll create is ...

2. You'll find it easier to forgive yourself. If you are a forgiving person, and are willing to extend mercy to others, it will be easier to extend mercy to yourself.

If you struggle with guilt and regret, then maybe you should take a look at your attitude toward those around you, and toward the people from your past. Have you forgiven those who need to be forgiven?

This brings me to the next benefit that I want you to see. When you practice the principle of forgiveness...

3. You will experience the fullness of forgiveness. Sometimes Jesus said things that were so simple, and so straightforward, and so direct, that it leaves you with only two choices: To take his words exactly as he said them, or to spend half an hour talking in theological circles to explain why this isn't what he really meant.

There's a good example of this in Luke 6. Jesus said as plain as day...

"Forgive and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6:37)

He also said it in the Lord's prayer:

Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who have trespassed against us. (Matthew 6:12)

When you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, and you begin the journey of the Christian life, your sins are forgiven. That's because you have surrendered completely to the Lordship of Jesus. As you continue to walk in his forgiveness, God expects you to walk in forgiveness toward others. If you refuse to walk in forgiveness toward others, it will block the flow of forgiveness toward you. That's why Jesus stated emphatically: Forgive us as we forgive others.

There's a principle of reciprocity: you receive back what you give. That's why generous people always seem to have enough to get by, and often have more than enough. It's why people who are loving tend to be surrounded by people who love them. It's why people who are merciful to others find themselves on the receiving end of mercy when they need it -- as Jesus said: "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy." (Matthew 5:7)

When you hang on to unforgiveness, you're not just drinking poison in your relationships, you're drinking poison in your spiritual life. You're cutting yourself away from a right standing with God. You're cutting yourself away from a life of blessing and peace and power. Conversely, when you live by the principle of forgiveness, you open the door in your life to all that God has for you.

III. HOW TO BEGIN FORGIVING.

And so the question is: How do I do it? How do I forgive? You and I both know that it is easier said than done. We tend to hang on to offenses for a long time. And the sad truth is that we tend to hang on to small offenses, while asking God to overlook our huge offenses.

Here are some things to remember in applying the principle of forgiveness:

1. You forgive as God has forgiven you.

These are the same words Paul used.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)

How has God forgiven you? Totally and completely. He forgives and, most importantly, he forgets. He says...

I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more. (Jeremiah 31:34)

Isaiah 38:17 says, "You have put all my sins behind your back." If something is behind your back, you can't see it anymore. That's the metaphor Isaiah is using. God forgives totally and completely, and he never revisits your sin again.

God forgives and forgets. He does not remember your sins. In the same way, you need to be willing to forget the sins of others.

Sometimes this takes effort. Forgiving and forgetting is an intentional choice you make. 

Understand that when you forgive someone, the objective is to let it go. The objective is to never bring it up again. Because that's how God in Christ has forgiven you.

Here's a second thing to remember about forgiveness.

2. You forgive only who you need to forgive.

What do I mean? I mean that I've met a lot of people who struggle with unforgiveness over things that really aren't any of their business.

This doesn't just apply to people who make headlines. It applies to people here at church. It applies to the people you work with. If there are two people in conflict, and you're not directly involved in the problem or the solution, then it's not your job to sit in judgment.

Jesus makes it very clear: If someone sins against you, (Matthew 18:15) then you need to deal with the offense and deal with forgiving them. But if someone gets caught up in a sin that doesn't involve you, then pray for that person, pray for those involved, pray that there will be restoration, and pray that God will work out the situation according to his will. But don't presume to be the forgiver in a situation that doesn't involve you. You will find yourself struggling with resentment, or you give in to the temptation to be self-righteous and smug, and it's all because you've tried to put yourself in a position in which you don't belong.

If you're struggling with unforgiveness, ask yourself: Does this situation involve me? Do I need to forgive, or do I, instead, need to pray for those involved, so that they can forgive one another as God would have them do?

Here's the third thing to help you work through unforgiveness.

3. You forgive face-to-face.

Jesus said ...

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you." (Matthew 18:15)

The simple truth is that most people in conflict never take this step. They talk to others, but they don't talk to each other. And the anger and the bitterness and the resentment grows because they refuse to deal with the situation one-on-one.

Jesus says that if talking one-on-one doesn't work, then you talk about it with a couple of others, and if that doesn't work, then you bring it before the church. Matthew 18 gives very specific instructions for dealing with conflict. Here's what I've noticed in thirty-plus years of ministry. The overwhelming majority of the time, when people meet face-to-face and discuss the matter one-on-one, the conflict gets resolved, and the relationship gets strengthened. The overwhelming majority of the time -- my estimate is way above ninety percent -- steps two and three aren't necessary. There's power in having the courage to sit down and look someone in the eye and say, "Can we resolve this today?" In my experience, this step is often all that is needed to start the process of forgiveness and reconciliation.

CLOSE:

What if you were to do this? What if you were to let go of the unforgiveness that so many people hang on to? What if you were to treat others as Jesus treats you, with mercy and compassion? What if you were to pray for reconciliation instead of standing in judgment? What if you were to meet face-to-face with those with whom you have conflict and seek resolution? What if you forgave everyone who has offended you in the past, and you let go of all the other resentments? Can you see how that would change your life? Can you see how it will make better relationships, how it will bring more peace into your life, how it will open the door to God's blessings?